“A thousand moments that I had just taken for granted — mostly because I had assumed there would be a thousand more.” ~ Morgan Matson
I’ve had an obsession with quotes & quote collecting since I was young. I have a notebook I’ve been filling with quotes, an on-going list in my phone, & a whole board of quotes on Pinterest. Not too long ago, I came across the quote above. I found it profoundly beautiful & profoundly sad. But I also identified with it. I try to not take things for granted in life, as things are always changing & nothing is guaranteed. But even with this awareness, I still found myself comfortable in the assurance of what the future would look like until at least the Fall of 2018. I expected to be in Chiang Rai, volunteering with Destiny Rescue, assisting with One Light Church, & filling the free time with coffee, laughing with friends, & exploring on my scooter.
But sometimes the future looks a bit different than planned.
Unfortunately, my time with Destiny Rescue has come to an end; sadly, so has my time here in Chiang Rai… I will be heading back to the states in just over a week. This past year has been incredible– I’ve grown & learned so much, met so many amazing people, & experienced so many new things. It is not easy to leave this place that I love so much, a place I intended to stay in for much longer. I don’t know why things happen the way they do & I’m always surprised at the twists life takes. While this decision was not easy & involved pretty much constant prayer & wrestling, I have found peace in it. I do not necessarily have an answer as to, “Why?” but maybe I don’t need that answer. Maybe it is enough to have had the time that I have had here. Maybe I will find the why in time. Maybe there will be many why’s– why’s in being here, why’s in leaving… I trust that I’ve grown in ways I don’t even realize yet!
So what’s next you ask? Well, I really only have a vague, sketch of a plan in my mind for what’s next (considering how little plans actually matter or last!). I am hoping to enroll in grad school, to pursue a Master’s in Criminology & Criminal Justice. This is something I’ve always been passionate about & wanted to study but never have, at least not formally. I still wish to devote my life to giving back to the world, in assisting to right injustice (much as we can this side of heaven). I think that I can have a greater impact with this knowledge & that it will open more doors to that end. (Plus, I get to study something I love learning about!)
Initially, I will spend some time reconnecting with family & friends in California. I then plan on moving to Fort Collins in October, hopefully obtaining a job fairly quickly & hiking my heart out, something I’ve really come to miss while being over here in Chiang Rai. Outside of that, I don’t really know what I’ll be getting up to. And I’ve decided to be okay with that. I think it’s easy, at least for me, to jump from one adventure to the next with little to no breathing room in between. But in this time of transition, I think there is value in rest. There is healing to be found in this season & a joy in being present rather than always chasing the future.
Thank you for walking this journey with me! To all of you who have given, whether encouragement, financial support, prayer… you have been such a blessing. Words cannot express my gratitude! I look forward to catching up stateside!
Til then ❤
“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” ~ Miriam Adeney